


6 Months to Stand Still

by chrisgiaconfetti



Category: Original Work
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Presents, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canon Queer Character, Canon Queer Relationship, December enjoys winter, December is a figure skater, Developing Relationship, Diary/Journal, Drunk kiss, F/F, Falling In Love, Female Characters, Female Friendship, Female Homosexuality, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heavy Themes, Ice Skating, June enjoys all seasons, Lesbian Character, Letters, Minor Character Death, Parent Death, Queer Themes, Questioning, Self-Harm, Slow Build, mention of past suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 17:11:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 4,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10575795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrisgiaconfetti/pseuds/chrisgiaconfetti
Summary: June having to face her family with the news that she likes girls, and December fighting her own battles regarding the loss of her family and herself, they help each other. They get through all their pain and all their stupid cliches.





	1. Character Intros

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first work here on ao3, and it is an original work. I'll definitely also have some fanfics here as well a little later on. I started writing this in my actual journal, and I thought it'd be cool if I published it. 
> 
> This first "chapter" is going to just be character introductions, so you understand how I imagine them and also get a look into their background.
> 
> There will only be 2 main characters in this story, and everyone else mentioned is a very minor part. It's written in journal/diary format, and I will have 2 entries for every day, one from June's point of view and one from December's.
> 
> Happy reading!

Name: June  
Age: 23  
Birthday: June 1st  
Sign: Gemini  
Gender: female  
Pronouns: she/her  
Sexuality: questioning  
Occupation: student  
Likes: autumn, the ocean, sunsets, mermaids, people, surfing  
Dislikes: solitude, phones, pain  
Hair: long, usually in a ponytail, naturally blonde  
Eyes: green  
Story: June was raised to be a good girl: kind, polite, obedient. Growing up, her family was stable. They weren't wealthy, but they weren't poor. Her parents were happy together. June was an only child until she was 17. That's when her sister was born. She helped take care of the baby, but when she was 19, she moved out. She wanted to go to University.  
(for physical reference, see Indiana Evans)

Name: December  
Age: 21  
Birthday: December 1st  
Sign: Sagittarius  
Gender: female  
Pronouns: she/her  
Sexuality: no label  
Occupation: student  
Likes: winter, lakes, the sun rise, coffee, writing, figure skating  
Dislikes: crowds, heat  
Hair: dark brown, undercut, long-ish side bangs, kind of curly  
Eyes: grey

Story: December's mom died when she was 6. She lived with her dad. He wasn't abusive, but he wasn't the most supportive father. He didn't take good care of himself, and killed himself when December was 17. She finished high school and moved out. She found a good University. Her wounds were beginning to heal.  
(for physical reference, see Katherine Langford)


	2. June 1st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June and December meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, now we can get into the story. As I said, there will be two parts for each day, one from June and one from December. Each chapter will be one day. The whole story will be over the span of 6 months.
> 
> I will not have writing for every day of the 6 months. June I see as the type of person to not write every day, so her time hops will be more obvious. December, however, I imagine she would write religiously. So when there's a time hop, her entry will pick up as if she'd written the day before.
> 
> Sorry if the chapters are kind of short; I'm writing this in an actual journal before it gets put on my computer, and each girl's entry for the day is only as long as the journal page allows.
> 
> If you're confused or have any questions, feel free to ask!
> 
> Happy reading!

June 1st

Hi! I'm June, and today is my birthday. Well, I guess it'll soon be yesterday. It's really late right now, but I've been waiting all day to write! My friend got me this journal today. It's really pretty. I'm excited to fill it with so many amazing memories.

I made a new friend today. I was at the beach a few hours ago, going to get ice cream, when I walked right into this girl. As soon as she looked at me, I was struck by her eyes. They were this beautiful silver, like her eyes had captured the moonlight. We both walked to the ice cream parlor, and after that, we sat on the sand and talked for hours.

I told her I'd be at the beach again tomorrow, and that I hoped to see her there, so I'm looking forward to going back. I feel like I can really trust her, which I guess I don't get to feel with many of my current friends...

Enough of that thought. God, I'm so tired. I'll write again tomorrow!

Goodnight, Journal.  
-June

\----------------

June 1st

183 days. 6 months clean. I almost broke this morning. I didn't, though, and I'm proud of that. It's been harder lately, but things are looking up as of this afternoon.

Some girl ran into me when I was on my way to get ice cream. I apologized even though it wasn't my fault. She apologized too, which was nice. She's nice. She offered to buy me ice cream. After some convincing, I took her up on the offer.

We sat for a while and talked. Not really about ourselves or our pasts, which is good because I'd probably scare her away. We just talked about anything, everything.

She's good for me, and she doesn't even know I'm struggling. What if I do scare her away? She seems like a good person, though. Maybe she'll stay despite everything.

My first friend since I've moved, my first friend since I've been more than one month clean. And I get to see her tomorrow. I hope it goes well.

~December


	3. June 2nd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June and December spend the day around town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey third chapter. Yea, I don't really have any notes for this one. 
> 
> Happy reading!

June 2nd  
Hey! Ugh, today was so great. I spent the whole day with my new friend (her name is December, by the way), and I told her more directly about myself. She said she enjoyed listening to some of my stories and hearing about my sister.

I asked about her, but she didn’t seem very comfortable opening up, which I understand. We’ve only known each other for two days. I’m also not really one to pry. I’ll let her take her time.

We got ice cream again, and instead of staying near the water like yesterday, we walked around town for a while. She walked me home, and I offered to make her lunch tomorrow after our morning classes.

Oh yea! I found out we go to the same university. We don’t have any classes together, though. But I can see her in between classes and if we stay on campus of lunch. She’s studying music, which she tells me can get really tedious.

Goodnight, Journal!  
-June

June 2nd  
184 days clean. It feels good. Today was a really good day, which I haven’t had for a while. I spent the day with June roaming around this small little beach town of ours. 

The heat can be a bit much, but it’s so pretty in the winter. We get snow here, and the trees along the sidewalk collect it so perfectly atop the branches, and the ocean gets little bits of ice that you can hear break against the pressure of crashing waves. It’s amazing.

I told June about how much I like it here during winter. She’s definitely more of a summer girl, but she agreed that this town is beautiful in all it’s seasons. She seems to be the kind of person to find beauty in everything. I wonder if she’s found it in me…

She invited me to her house for lunch tomorrow after classes. And tomorrow night, I’ve got the skating rink all to myself. I think for the first time in a very long time, “tomorrow” isn’t such a bad word.

~December


	4. June 9th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June questions her sexuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, no notes here again, but I have notes at the bottom for this one.
> 
> Happy reading!

June 9th  
Hey, Journal. I have something a bit more serious to talk about. I’ve been discussing it with December and um, I’m questioning my sexuality.

I always thought I just had to be straight. I was raised being taught how to be a good housewife, how God wants me to marry a nice man. How girls aren’t supposed to be turned on by other girls and boys aren’t supposed to be turned on by other boys. Not that a good Christian should be turned on anyway. 

Maybe I’ve always liked girls and never realized it. But there’s this new girl in my literature class, and she is so attractive. I’ve never thought the same about a guy.

December told me that when she turned 13, her dad told her to find love in whoever was good for her, and not to label herself, so she never did.

For now, I don’t want a label either. I don’t know how I’ll ever tell my parents. I love them too much to hurt them, but what about me…?

Goodnight, Journal.  
-June

June 9th  
191 days clean, almost 200. It’s crazy.

June told me the other day that she’s questioning her sexuality. I told her why I don’t have a label for myself. That’s the only thing about my past that I’ve told her, but it was also one of my favorite memories. That was before our lives and mental health went to shit. He still cared about how I saw him, he still cared about my future.

June is probably curious about me and my stories, but she hasn’t asked. I guess she actually respects me, unlike the last friends I had.

June is a smart girl and she knows herself. She’ll be able to figure herself out without my help, but I’ll still be here if she asks. I’m glad I trusted her with the one story about my dad, and I think it’s helped her for the time being.

The way she’s approaching questioning… I think she’s worried about her family. I hope everything will be okay.

~December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Let's talk about questioning real quick here.
> 
> Questioning your gender/sexuality can be a super important time in your life, because it's finding who you are. I have a few points:  
> -it's okay if you question and you find that you're not LGBT+ after all. It wasn't a waste of time, and it's better that you know who you are.  
> -it's okay to not use labels. They aren't for everyone.   
> -it's important that you have good resources and good information. http://lgbtetc.weebly.com/ is a good website, they also run the Instagram account @lgbt.etc_
> 
> Take your time, don't rush yourself into anything, and know that even if you're in a bad place to be openly LGBT, there is a whole community out there that supports you no matter what.
> 
> Thanks for listening, and thanks for reading!


	5. July 9th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June and December bond some more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the town that they talk about, I didn't really have a particular place in mind. I just had the set of conditions I wanted the setting to be like, and I think it's alright without putting a name to it.
> 
> That's all the notes for this chapter.
> 
> Happy reading!

July 9th  
Wow… it’s been a months= since I’ve written. I have a lot of updates.

The past month bonding with December has been amazing. We’ve done something together every day. She’s become my best friend and the only person I really trust in such a short amount of time, it’s kinda scary.

Our summer class’ first semester ended about a week ago, so I have another free week before I go back. Guaranteed all of those days will be spent with December.

She’s opened up a little more. Told me her mom died when she was a little girl and her dad died when she was 17, though I don’t know how either of them passed. Talking about her dad seems like a heavy topic to her.

Update on my sexuality: I know I like girls.

December told me she ice skates, so I’m going to the rink with her tonight.

Goodbye, Journal!  
-June

July 9th  
221 days clean. A little over 100 more days until I hit 1 year. This will have been my favorite year. 

I just got back from skating with June. We had the whole rink to ourselves, so I was able to display whatever she asked me to. I taught her how to spin and how to do a waltz jump. She sounded excited to go back, and I’m excited to continue taking her with me.

This month is the hottest of the year and it already sucks. The only good thing about it is that June takes me surfing more often.

I never really pictured myself surfing until I went for the first time a little while after I moved here. I had a lot of fun, but I didn’t find the time to do it often. And sometimes I was afraid I was so bloodied that sharks would come after me.

June has brought light to my life that I haven’t really seen since before mom died…

~December


	6. July 23rd/24th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December reveals to June how her dad died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does have two different days, but I figured it wouldn't have been likely for December to rite on July 23rd.
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING**  
> Nothing super graphic, but there are mentions of past suicide.
> 
> That's all the notes I have for this chapter.
> 
> Happy reading!

July 23rd  
Hey, Journal. I went skating with December today. I’ve been going out with her once or twice a week. Today though… she seemed different. She wasn’t losing herself like she usually did. She seemed distracted.

Once we got back to the locker rooms, I sat next to her and I asked her what was wrong. She was quiet for minutes until I heard her gasp for air over a muffled sob. I hugged her, and we stayed like that for a while.

She looked at me, and she told me today was four years since her dad committed suicide. She’d never told me how he died, I didn’t really expect that.

I carried her on my back down the street to her house. I brought her to her bed and set her down. I stayed next to her, listening to her cry, not knowing what to say.

It’s early evening now, and I’m still at her house. I think I’m staying the night. I’m worried about her.

Goodnight, Journal.  
-June

July 24th  
I didn’t write yesterday. Sorry. Today is 236 days clean.

It’s a little after 3:30 am right now. I woke up closer to 3, and the first thing I saw was June, asleep at my desk. I moved her to my bed so she’d be more comfortable. I doubt I’m going back to sleep anyway.

Yesterday, it was 4 years since dad killed himself. I don’t know why I thought it was a great idea to take June skating. She noticed something was off, and she asked me about it when I was taking off my skates.

I wasn’t going to tell her. I was just going to brush her off and say I stayed up late slamming the G minor scale into my brain.

I couldn’t say anything though. I just started crying. She stayed quiet and hugged me. I stayed limp in her arms for longer than I’d like to admit, until I realized that I trust her. I told her it was four years since my dad committed suicide. I’ve been in her care since.

~December


	7. Dear June

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter written by December, for June.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a different type of chapter than the previous ones and the ones that are to come. This isn't the sort-of diary entry style that I've had going on. This is a letter written by December, and she intends on giving it to June, hence the "Dear June" title. 
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING**  
> There are mentions of past smoking, a parent dying of lung cancer from smoking, grief, and past suicide, though it's not too graphic.
> 
> That's all for this chapter.
> 
> Happy reading!

Dear June,  
I have been so afraid to open myself up to you. I was so completely terrified of trusting you, even though I really had no reason to be.

I’ve never trusted anyone enough to let them know my whole story, and maybe that’s why I lost everyone. Maybe it was just that no one cared enough to ask about me. I don’t know.

When you stayed with me for an hour, two hours, three days while I cried about my dad, some of the hours not knowing why I was crying, I realized “trust” was a fitting word for how I felt about you. So, here I am, opening up my doors.

I’m sorry I am still too weak to say this in person. Part of me thinks I’d forget to tell you the most important things.

My story starts with my mom. She died of lung cancer. She’d smoked since she was 16, because that’s the kind of family she grew up with. When she found out she was pregnant with me, she tried to quit, failing on multiple accounts. She never smoked in front of me. She’d always go out to the back yard. She knew it was those goddamn cigarettes that ruined her, and she didn’t want that for me.

We were really close, all three of us. When she died, everything fell apart. My dad really had to step up. He got me to school, and he went to therapy for a while. Then one day, when I was 14, he just stopped going. I never found out why. 

He got worse after that, so I did too. He drank sometimes, but it wasn’t that that corrupted him. All his grief rushed back and it didn’t go away this time.

On her deathbed, mom told dad that he’d be able to move on. That he’d be able to care for himself and me and someday, someone else. In that moment, she was a liar.

My dad took his life on July 23rd of my 11th year of being the only thing keeping him alive.

I failed him.

Thank you, June, for everything.  
-December


	8. August 1st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June's reaction to December's letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No notes for this chapter!
> 
> Happy reading!

August 1st  
December gave me a letter yesterday. I didn’t get to read it until this morning. I’m crying, I guess. December is such a good person… why’d she have to go through so much?

I wish there was more I could do to help her, but I know there isn’t. I can’t resurrect her parents, I can’t change what’s happened. All I can do is be here for her. I just hope that’s enough. 

Skating, I think, has been her escape for a long time, and I’m glad I get to share that with her. She’s really good… she’s really beautiful.

She’s found this way to lose herself, which I’d seen before in musicians, but I’ve never witnessed it in real life or felt it for myself. It’s captivating to watch, the way she doesn’t have to think about what she’s doing. Sometimes, she seems like she doesn’t even know what she’s doing. It’s so natural, like there’s no way she’d belong anywhere else, except there on the ice, free.

Goodnight, Journal.  
-June

August 1st  
243 days clean.

I saw June once yesterday, only for a few minutes. I’m sure I looked absolutely awful: puffy red eyes, disheveled hair, and a broken heart that I wore on my sleeve. I went to her house to give her my letter. 

I haven’t seen her or talked to her or heard from her since then. I’m so afraid she’ll leave. I’m afraid she’ll think I’m too much of a basket-case. I never wanted to scare her, or lose her. She showed me that she cared, but did she? Will she still care about me even after this? And I still haven’t told her the worst part…

I feel sick. I feel bad, leaning on June, pushing her to care. Of course, I care about her, more than anyone knows.

I’m gonna go skating for a while. Hopefully, I’ll see June tomorrow.

~December


	9. August 20th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The month of August has improved for both June and December.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not many notes for this chapter, just one thing:
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING*
> 
> Pretty mild talk of self harm, but nothing graphic or intensely detailed.
> 
> That's all.
> 
> Happy reading!

August 20th  
Hey Journal! It’s been a few weeks, huh? Things have been better. December has been feeling a lot less down, which is really good. I was starting to really worry about her. 

A few days ago, she told me about the most recent part of her story. She told me about what it was like moving all the way here from Russia (I didn’t know she was Russian, but it’s pretty cool), she told me about finding this town, and she told me about her self harm.

She explained that it was a while ago, and now she’s over 200 days clean. Something else she mentioned briefly was how I’ve positively impacted her. I was unaware that our friendship had given her so much. I’m glad it has, I’m glad I’m a positive figure to her.

I’m probably going to tell her more about my family and history soon, maybe tomorrow if the opportunity arises.

I’m happy I’ve found something in her, and she in me.

Goodnight, Journal.  
-June

August 20th  
263 days clean. 102 days till it’s a year.

August has been a rough month. I’ve definitely been way more open with June, which will probably be a good thing later, but right now? Right now, it’s causing me so much anxiety, because I’m so scared to lose her.

Since I’ve given her the letter and told her about my scars, she’s reassured me countless times that she’s not going anywhere. Why do I have such a hard time believing her? Why is all of this so difficult?

I’m just… I’m glad she’s my friend, and I’m thankful for the time we’ve spent together. I honestly don’t know what life would be like without her. I can’t even imagine it.

She’s shown me hope that I’d lost so long ago and for that, I can never repay her. She’s so much more to me than she could ever know.

~December


	10. September 15th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get zazzed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No notes again whoops.
> 
> Happy reading!

September 15th  
Hey, Journal! I had so much fun last night. I got a quick (and light) drink with December, and then she took me back to the beach where we sat the first night we met. We talked, too, though that was slightly different because we were both kind of zazzed.

It was nice to forget about our own troubles and just have a good time. We’ve both been so serious, talking about our families and our pasts, and a little bit about school.

It was fun going to the first place we really bonded. It almost felt like a date.

School starts up again next week. I’m excited to go back. I’m going to be an English major, and I absolutely love the literature class I’m taking. So, I’m looking forward to learning more and reading amazing books and poetry.

College is so much more fun than people make it out to be.

Goodnight, Journal.  
-June

September 15th  
289 days clean. 

I’m on another uphill again. I have more faith that June will stay with me. And we’ve been having fun again, together. We went out last night, and I took her to the rink again today.

She’s getting pretty good at ice skating, for a beginner. She picks up new tricks and jumps really quickly. It’s fun to watch her improve.

We’re not going to be able to go out so much once classes start again, but that’s okay. We’ll definitely still make time to see each other.

I love spending time with her. It’s like she dulls the pain that’s inside of me, and she doesn’t even have to try. It just happens.

I probably sound like a babbling middle school girl. I’m unreasonably happy. That’s not something that’s happened in a very, very long time.

~December


	11. October 31st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween parties and admiring costumes.

October 31st  
It’s Halloween! My favorite holiday! I’m going out to a party my old roommate is throwing in a few minutes, with December of course. I’m dressed up as a jellyfish, which sounds really lame, but the costume is super cool.

I’ve got an umbrella with strings of purple and blue lights hanging off of it, and I have this pretty purple and pink semi-translucent fabric hanging along with the lights.

December, god I love her costume. She’s dressed as an ice fairy. She’s wearing this beautiful light blue and white dress that fits her really good, and she’s wearing big wings that I helped her make. The solid part comes to a point that looks like an icicle, and the rest of the wings are a sparkly white fabric that matches her dress. And her makeup, it’s so elegant, and it looks like it snowed, and she caught the snowflakes in her hair and on her eyelashes. It looks stunning.

Well, it’s time for us to go! Goodnight, Journal.  
-June

October 31st  
335 days clean. So close to a year. I’m really looking forward to that mark. 

June’s taking me to that party today at her old roommate’s place. I’m not too excited for the party itself, but I’ll be with June, so I bet it’ll be fun.

There’ll probably be drinks, but I’m not going to have too much. Maybe one glass of whatever. I’ll take June home if she drinks too much to be left alone.

She helped me make my fairy costume, and I think it came out well. The colors look nice together and I think the whole “ice fairy” idea comes across good enough. I feel good in it, too. Like, I feel good as myself. I love that feeling. It’s been far too long since I’ve felt comfortable in an outfit, or in my own skin for that matter.

There’s more to my being comfortable with myself than just the costume. There’s more to June than simply me trusting her.

~December


	12. November 5th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise? You kissed me.

November 5th  
Woah… it’s been over 5 months since I met December. Time truly flies, huh?

Well, Journal, something happened. At the Halloween party, last week, I guess I got a little bit too drunk, and I um… I kissed December.

All I know is that we were dancing together, and a slow song came on, so we waltzed, and then the song sped up and I guess in the heat of the moment, I just went for it.

I don’t remember it very well, the kiss or the last half of the party. I remember waking up and finding December making breakfast, and then telling me what happened.

I don’t know how she feels about it, but she doesn’t seem mad. I don’t even know how I feel about it. Do I like December? Why else would I kiss her? That’s something to think about.

Goodnight, Journal.  
-June

November 5th  
340 days clean.

I’ve been thinking about the kiss a lot. How could I not, right? It was nice, it felt good. I don’t really know what it means, considering she was drunk, but I’m not upset that it happened. 

I’ve spent time with June since I told her that the kiss happened, and it hasn’t come up at all. Nothing seems awkward between us.

I’m sort of afraid to admit to her, or myself, what I feel. What if we became more than friends, ended, and then never talked to each other again? That’s a future I don’t want.

I’ve thought about how I feel, and who June is to me a lot recently. Besides her being my best friend and someone I trust, I think I’ve found the right work.

I think, I love June.

~December


	13. December 1st

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> December's birthday!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter :/
> 
> I had a lot of fun writing this, and it's really helped clear up my writer's block. Thank you anyone and everyone who has read this story, it means a lot to me!
> 
> Happy reading!

December 1st  
Good morning, Journal! Today is December’s birthday! If I’m not mistaken, today is her 1 year clean mark as well. I’m proud of her.

She’s taking me somewhere today, though I insisted I do something for her. I think we’re going ice skating, because she had me buy my very own skates last week. She says it’s a surprise, though, so I don’t know.

I got her a necklace for her birthday. It’s a charm that says “hold on” in Russian. Little does she know, I’m planning on asking her out tonight.

See, I’ve been pondering my feelings since I kissed her, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I like her. Well, I guess it would be more accurate to say I love her.

I’ve never dated anyone before, so I’m kind of nervous, but I’m also excited.

Talk to ya later, Journal.  
-June

December 1st  
365 days clean, 1 year! I finally made it! I’m so happy!

Today… today was a good day. I brought June out to a forest where the snow is already abundant, and we went ice skating on the frozen lake. I found that area my first winter here, when I was on an anxiety drive, and it’s been my favorite place since. It was perfect for today.

We skated for hours, and June asked me to do old programs I’d long forgotten about. It was a lot of fun.

We’d been there since early morning, and when the sun began to set, I pulled her onto the ice and showed her how to do a simple pair skate I choreographed after Halloween. 

It was so pretty, the pink sky reflecting onto the ice, the snow covered trees, the sunset. Perfect. That’s when I asked June what she wanted to do to me. She took a minute to think about it, and then she said, “I want to love you.”

~December


End file.
